Today, about 5pm, here's what our house looked like:
The girls are all over the place, playing with toys, getting hungry for dinner, being loud, normal toddler girls.
I am in our kitchen, beginning to get dinner ready (remember that's where the LOUD kitchen sink is--Yikes!).
Mr. D is on the couch (as usual) reading a book (nice to have the tv off though).
I said something to him of very low importance, can't remember what. He looked up, irritated to have been interrupted from reading. Said something back, then went back to reading.
Five minutes go by, and the girls are still playing and I'm still in the kitchen, which is open to the family room. And I forgot. I forgot he was reading. I forgot I shouldn't interrupt him while he is trying to read a book in the family room amongst 2 small children playing in the middle of the day while his wife is cooking just feet from him. I said something to him, I don't know, about next weekend or the weather or something.
And he just got nasty. Dramatically threw the book aside, sighing loudly, rolling his eyes (my personal favorite), saying, "Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?" I quickly realized my huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge mistake and apologized, saying sorry I forgot you were reading. Then, he's all--well I put the book down, so what's so important? Of course it wasn't important, I was just making some dumb small talk so when I repeated it, he was like that's fine, whatever. And he went back to reading.
Cue my bad luck here.
Then less than 10 minutes later, I went to check on dinner, which was on the grill. The gas had run out and dinner was nowhere near done. We have an extra tank in the garage. But I can't swap them out. Heck, I can barely carry one, right?
So I head in, knowing I'm in for it now. He's reading. I sweetly (as sweet as possible), softly ask, "Honey?"
More dramatic expressions implying how could I be in his world, this is the worst thing that's ever happened to him, etc. What a selfish baby. He changes the tanks and on the way back to his book whines, like a little kid, "I just want to read my book!"
I told him to go finish it in the bedroom! Ha
Big Boo Cast: Episode 386
6 days ago
I understand just wanting some peace! I really do! BUT, I have a feeling if someone should be screaming for peace it is probably you! I would have served up one plate of half cooked food and taken the girls out for a "night on the town!" To hell with the man and his book!
ReplyDeleteAgain, I never promised that I am a perfect person, but I promised to not make you feel like I am intentionally saying things to hurt your feelings. I think you probably get enough of that.
I find it far from wrong to ask him to help change a propane cylinder!
wwhhheewwww...makes me mad sometimes to read your blog. i find it (him)irritating. he should be helping with dinner, playing with the girls, or being some part of something except being a jerk when his wife wants to talk. i NEVER cook on the grill, a few times i have just to be nice,but not usually. he does. and when he does, i prep stuff in the house. TOGETHER we do it. i really think you need a hug. love. to make your feelings, whatever they are validated. it is ok to feel how you feel...because you feel it!!!!!!! i am friends with momma b, and as honest as she is, she has great points behind what she says. i would have done the very same thing. he would still be hungry!!
ReplyDeleteyou are worthy, and you are a person who has feelings.
u were not wrong!!!
My husband is all about his solitude time and especially reading. Big time. I've been through several very similar situations as what you describe, and as I was reading this, I could feel the condescending vibe all over again.
ReplyDeleteThe difference with me now (and us together, I guess) is that I don't live on the eggshells like I used to. I'm very careful not to be a B, for sure, but if he snaps at me like that, I do speak up and ask not to be spoken to in that tone. Something like, "I'm sorry I interrupted you, but please don't talk to me like I'm a child." or "I didn't realize you were reading, but I don't deserve to be yelled at, please." I remain calm, I don't yell back, but I do stand up for myself, at least most of the time.
It's funny to me, now looking back, at how much I'm able to just blow off some of these things...not that I'm saying you shouldn't feel hurt!...but at this point, I kind of roll my eyes to myself, chalk it up to a weird bad mood of his, and keep moving. Usually in an hour or so he's forgotten about it completely.
You're right, you don't deserve to be spoken to that way...and I'm sorry you have experienced it. How's the counseling plan going??
(By the way,my email is on my account so you can just hit reply to my comments--if you get email notification of comments-- if you would like...or email directly at braskasmom at gmail dot com...anytime)
'fraid if it was me, that damned book would've been on the grill next. i'm just spiteful like that. orrrrrrrrr. i'd have finished our supper in the oven and left his raw. then when he complained, let him know he should've gotten off his ass to change the tank.
ReplyDeletesorry. i'm in bitch mode today. hope you've had a good afternoon!!!!
Reminds me.....just after my first was born, the ex made a comment about not even being able to read a magazine now. I stood there a few days post ceserean, breasts leaking, not having showered, exhausted, staring at him with disbelief. I wanted to beat him to death. 15 years later...I realize I should have.
ReplyDelete