So I'm avoiding calling, I'm avoiding posting because I know what I'm supposed to do. I just haven't done it.
I'm no expert but for me I guess there is a time period for each step. As in, 1--decide I need help, 2--get counselor # and insurance info, 3--call and set it up...
I am stuck between 2 and 3. I think I'm still in the "accepting I need help and really taking this outside our house" phase. (besides taking it into the web world!)
Thank you for your support and encouragement. It's been hard for me to think I'm going to have to talk, in person, to another human being about what I've kept in our home for so long. (I guess that makes it all that much more real, if that makes any sense?)
I will keep you posted because you are my outlet and support forum!
Big Boo Cast: Episode 386
6 days ago
Don't beat yourself up! Last post I was pissed that you are still dealing with him. Now this post makes me sad that you don't want to have to admit living a lie. I am sorry that you are sad! I am sorry that he is who and what he is. I wish things were different. I know you do too. I know nothing I say changes what you are going through, but maybe it helps you to know you are not alone.
ReplyDeleteThe go, go, go that we are telling you with each new post is just our way of trying to cheer you on, so you will get help! I guess I should not try to speak for all of us, but I'd be willing to be many of the other readers feel the same way!
Just think of one thing...
What will your children marry when they grow up?
Just another reason why the next step is so important.
I'm behind you 100% - you have to do what you need to do in order to make yourself happy and take care of those kids!!!
ReplyDeleteMy mom recently started with a counselor. It seems to be a good fit. She feels weird because she has medical issues and that is why she wants counseling, but the counselor's wife is battling cancer and my mother doesn't want to dump on him when things are hard for he and his wife. I told her that he probably values his time with my mom because he can learn from her how things can seem for a sick person and maybe will connect it to his wife.
ReplyDeleteI tell you this because you will not only be getting help, but I believe that your issue may help the counselor add to their knowledge and understanding of you and other clients in your situation! It is not about being subordinate Mrs. D, it is about mutual respect and use of time!
: )
I don't think you realize the relief that will come with finally being able to unload all this grief, guilt, pain and sadness you are carrying. You don't yet have a sense how heavy is this burden. Take care of yourself by getting the help you need. It won't be easy, but the hard things are usually the best things we do.
ReplyDeleteIt is all very real.
I'm not going to give you any advice. I'm just going to tell you that I'm following your blog and cheering you on!
ReplyDeleteYou go girl!
Don't beat yourself up. Its hard to take that first step to counseling. Ive been there dealing with issues with my Mom..I can tell you something. Once you go, you'll feel better, so much better!! I promise. :) They will make you realize you aren't in this alone, and you are not at fault. Even though you have all of us cheering you on, it just feels different when it comes to a professional telling you that. :)
ReplyDeleteI really hope you take that step soon, for your own sake but especially for your daughters. I've been undeniably unhappily married for years to my high school sweetheart and my kids are now paying the price. We've been together for 25 years, married for 19. I thought for a long time that staying together for the kids would be best for them, you hear so many stories of kids being screwed up by divorce. Now I'm dealing with my daughters low self esteem from the controlling abusive behavior. It's a high price to pay. Teenagers do some scary things nowadays that I had never even heard of and I'm not that old. For a long time I thought that I could deal with it. So many little things annoy him. I just learned how not to annoy. If you are a reader, please go to the library and read Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft. This book has totally opened my eyes!!! I'm still scared to leave as I think he will stalk me or something and never let me but I'm taking little steps every day to ensure that my youngest (10) and I get out soon. My older two will both be in college next year. The sick part is I still love him and don't want to imagine my life without him.
ReplyDelete