Sometimes I wonder.
Maybe he knows this is falling apart a million miles a minute. Maybe he just wants to have all his kids with his first wife (which would be me) and then make a clean break and divorce me.
I mean, I have questioned (to myself, and to Mr. D) if he still actually wants to be with me, what is he doing with me if he is so unhappy.
You know, because his actions certainly make one wonder.
How sad to wonder if your spouse has every intention of leaving you after you bear his children.
But wait, isn't that what I may be doing with him?!? I am so confused.
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You know..I have been married almost ten years in June. I ask myself this very same question and to him. If he meaning my husband is so miserable why not just tell me. Don't say all the hurtful things and then still stay around.
ReplyDeleteI think you and I are so alike.. I'm so glad I have found a friend like you..
You remind me so much of myself 10 years ago. Full of bitterness and unhappiness and anger toward my husband. But my friends were not sympathetic. They forcefully guided me towards God's word until I fully realized how sensitive men are, how desperately they need the respect and honor of their wives, an how much power a woman has to destroy or strengthen her marriage.
ReplyDeleteKey books for me:
Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus
Helped me understand the differences in how we communicate. Things I was saying that I thought were innocence were crushing to him.
Power of Praying Wife
Stormie OMartin
Created to Be His Helpmeet
Debi Pearl
The Pearls have a website called No Greater Joy. Look through the articles about marriage. Debi is brutally honest with women and how their behavior impacts how men respond.
Watch the movie Fireproof and do the Love Dare. It is so difficult being the one who decides to love the unlovable spouse but completely worth it.
You can get past the gum throwing. What you said to him does matter. What you have written on your blog indicates that you are not answering his cursing with blessings but instead accusations. You can be the soothing balm to his soul if you drink deep and draw your peace and happiness from the only one who can truly make you happy and fulfill all your desires.
Go back and read your "In another life post." You are loved like that in the life, there is Some one who loves you and gives you great gifts and wants to spend time with you and loves the way you cook. But he also loves you husband like that too.
I am praying for you.
Katie
Mrs. D....I've been away for a bit but glad I stopped by again. Your posts have me rivetted. As a brand new wife who is still very, very much in love and in awe of her husband, I read your words with a mix of saddness for you, confusion about your sitation (because it is 180 degrees from mine), and flat out fear for my own future.
ReplyDeleteThat said, I am thinking of you and sending you all my best hopes. I don't feel that I have the experience to be able to give you advice other than follow your heart and only YOUR heart.
I have read your archives and all the comments you have received. Marriage is hard even when it's working so I understand how lost you can feel when you are trying to figure out if you want to fix it. The tips I can give you are the things that I have seen success in, but every marriage is unique so I understand if you feel that these may not work for you;
ReplyDelete1) Do NOT hide your decision to take birth control. Marriage is a 2 way street & if you disrespect him by hiding & lying then you cannot expect him to want to show the respect that you are wanting. Plus you will only be giving him more ammo to guilt you with later if he ever finds out.
2) But this does not mean I think you should have another child. You are right to not want to bring a baby into this mix. Tell him up front that you do not want to do this and that you are taking birth control. He won't like it, he will probably try to guilt you, but you have given him 2 children already so no one will fault you for saying no.
3) You cannot make him respect you. If you continue to allow him to push you around he won't respect you, but you can't demand it either....I know, it's a tight spot. The best way to have people respect you is to show them that you respect yourself and right now you don't. Stop SAYING that you deserve better, act on it. It's not about turning your attitude completely around and acting like someone you aren't, it's about stopping things and saying "No." You did that before when he swore on you, keep doing it. It will start to take over.
4) You can't change him, you can only change yourself. You need to fall in love with YOURSELF again. Know that no matter what happens, you are still a good person. Either he will see you as the person you are and want to change or you will be strong enough to make it without him.
5) Don't consider divorce....yet. Many people see divorce as an escape hatch that they pull as soon as the marriage starts to smoke a little. So far he hasn't done anything that you can't come back from...yet. If you continue to let him go down this road, he will do something, something major. The gum throwing incident may seem minor to some people, but it was him taking the next step in testing how far he can go with you. Men are like teenagers, constantly testing boundaries in a marriage. You have to let him know he can go no further and that he actually needs to take a BIG step back.
I'm not sure if any of that will help, I'm not sure if you or your readers will agree with me, but I know that you need to know that people are hearing you.
We all hear you & you can turn to any of us for help.
Hey there! Just saw youre reply on my blog. Don't feel bad about me...I should restate that your situation makes me sad for the prospect of marriage in general. But right now, I couldn't be happier with mine and my JiT...we're a good team. I'll keep praying for you and yours : )
ReplyDelete