I was thinking over the whole internet blogging thing. I am addicted, for sure. Mostly to reading blogs. But I feel like this blog I write is a form of therapy for me. Silent, anonymous therapy. That's free from money and time restrictions.
I have my blogs that I read faithfully. I love them. They are often a great escape for me. A great percentage of the blogs I read are good stuff. They are a nice part of my day. And I visit them often to pick me up, lift my spirits.
Yet, then I write this blog which is not rose colored in any way shape or form. Sorry for that. I do sometimes think this just looks like a whine fest. For the most part, it's very bleak and pessimistic. And I am aware of that. There are good things in my life; I guess I have mentioned some here (obviously my girls are #1!!!). But for me, it's been so theraputic to gather a collection of the negative and (later) bounce ideas off some of you.
When I started this blog, I thought I was just doing it to get some of my frustrations out. To organize my thoughts and vent a bit. I told myself it would just be my private way of letting things out that I feel I can't share with anyone in my life. I didn't think it would matter if anyone read it, and I told myself that it was fine that way.
But then, it seems, I went out searching. I left comments on others' blogs under this identity, knowing that for the most part, blog authors will click on who it is that is leaving a them a comment. I guess I subconsciously wanted someone, anyone, to hear me.
I am glad people read this blog. I feel like someone is listening to me. Since (I feel) I can't talk to my family and friends about this stuff, I am glad to know that somebody cares. The comments that are left--whether it was support, advice, a book suggestion, a new thought pattern or direction, I appreciate it all.
It also helps knowing others feel like this. Not that I want anyone to be miserable, or trapped, or whatever. But when some of you say "me too" I know I'm not crazy for being fed up!! It's also been good for me to ask "is it ok that Mr. D. did (blah blah blah)?" "do other husbands say...?" etc. because you let me know "that's unacceptable" or "here's what I did" etc.
Thank you. Thanks for reading my blog even though it's not all good news and wonderful stuff. Thank you for listening and thanks for your advice too.
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Mrs. D. I have a blog that just about noone reads. In the beginning I sent an email to my friends that I had started a blog but they shouldn't feel any pressure to leave a comment or even read it. As time went by, I sometimes forgot about it myself. But when I do remember it and when I do feel I have something to say, then I am glad I have it to go to. Readers or not, I like to write and feel my words go somewhere. It is very natural.
ReplyDeleteWhen I started I expected to be pretty random and a bit silly. Then life got hard and when I do write it ios more serious than I ever intended. I have seen you on my blog and it makes me smile. I love what you wrote tonight and I do believe there is value in the expression of thought. Good, bad, supportive or not, even people's reactions can work well to help us think or rethink something.
Thank you!
always happy to lend and ear (eye??)! lots of times i wish i was close enough to offer a hug! even if you can't talk to your family, you have lots of blog friends who are always here to help any way we can!!
ReplyDeleteBlogs are wonderful therapy for whatever life brings our way!
ReplyDeleteHere's some virtual hugs to you!
XXX
I keep you on my blog list so I will know whenever you post something new. As others commenting here, I also care very much about what is happening to you and how you are feeling and how you're doing. You have great value and are worth caring about and praying for. I'm sure you have more readers than you realize. You're certainly not alone, and even though your "blog community" is anonymous and people you will never meet, you have lots of "friends" out there.
ReplyDeleteI do think if you often and pray for you. You often come to my mind when my husband pulls a "Mr. D" moment.
ReplyDeleteI pray that one day, you too will be able to love him inspite of his short comings and that he will grow in the safety of your love for him.
I've often thought about the commentor who suggested Mr. D's actions were about control and I think she might be right. He may fear that you will hurt him and so to try to control the situation his may try to say something hurtful to you first.
Your sweet words and genuine compassion for him may go a long way to heal and restore him.
I'm glad you started blogging while there is still hope for your marriage.