Well, I think I have the flu. It started out as just what I thought was a cold. But now it's kicking my butt and I've got all the typical flu symptoms.
But what a bad wife I am. I keep secrets from him. I haven't even told him I think I have the flu because I don't want him to know the truth.
I got the girls flu shots in November. He didn't want me to, so I told him I didn't. But I did it anyway because I trusted my gut. Good thing, because now I'm sick and, miraculously, they're not.
However. He says, "You are so sick. But why aren't the girls sick?" I just keep telling him I'm being good about not breathing on them, kissing them, etc.
If I told him that I have they flu and they don't because I got them their shots, you'd think he'd be mad for a minute then grateful or happy because it ended up being the right thing. Oh no, not my husband. He'd act like I just cheated on him or something.
So I lie.
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I just stumbled across your blog...and I wanted to let you know that I will be praying for you. My heart breaks for you for the "secrets" you have been sharing. This is my prayer for you (From Ephesians 3):
ReplyDeleteFor this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
My husband and I have had a difficult years in our marriage. Reading through your blog is convicting since I'm more like your husband. Ouch. I'm extremely critical of my husband and I blame him for everything that goes wrong. I often put him in between a rock and a hard place with stupid things like cleaning the kitchen, but it's too loud. I wish I could tell you he's awful, but I really am a perfectionist and I'm too hard on my kids as well. I grew up with horribly married parents and I won't subject my kids to that. I can't say commitment to marriage keeps us together, but my husband is my best friend and even when we argue we can find things to laugh at in our contradictions. We've talked a lot about the reality of divorce and it's helped us to think about what we want and how to get our relationship to where we want it to be for us and for our kids. Two books that have helped me understand ME are Boundaries which was also written as Boundaries for Marriage by Cloud and Townsend and also The Five Love Languages. You may be familiar with the five love languages, but understanding how you give and receive love will help you communicate with your spouse, your children and even your other family and friends. My love language is NOT gifts and flowers, cards, and candy will get nowhere with me at all. My best friend's love language is gifts and I've really learned a lot about showing how much she means to me by acknowledging holidays and celebrations through gifts. In return, she's carved out more time for our family in her schedule. Adjusting to life with two children is a very difficult adjustment, one that shouldn't be underestimated. It's worth re-evaluating how you spend quality time together and how you show/share love with each other. Being a parent to two tots is a tough job and sacrificing your own career is statistically proven to advance your husband's opportunities. My parents used to say if educate the man, you feed the family; if you educate the woman, you educate the family. You are equally valuable to your family in your role. My husband and I still split housework because he doesn't see being home with the kids as being free to do what I want all day.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I see you started posting these things recently. Don't give up without considering the huge adjustment you guys have made and communicating your needs. Our second child is 20 months old and I think it's been pretty much her whole life so far that we've been trying to work out this balance. It gets easier as we've worked through things and it can be rewarding.
I wish you the best...