He threw something at me. In anger.
He threw something at me.
We were getting in the car. I was in the driver's seat. He was strapping the twins in. He was in a terrible mood. I said something that ticked him off. He threw 2 packs of gum at me, scolding me for whatever I said that pissed him off. (I can't remember what I said, but does it matter?)
I didn't do anything. Anything.
I just cried. Why didn't I get out of the car? Why didn't I make a big scene? Let him know I won't tolerate it?
I was scared.
I'm crying as I type this.
It's 27 hours after it happened. "Everything's fine." We did talk about it, as in--he said he's sorry (I, umm, believe him), he said he won't do it again, I said we really shouldn't tell anyone what he did. He agreed.
Why did I do that??
Because I'm embarassed. Hurt. Humiliated.
I made the wrong choice and now I'm living with it.
Part of me almost wants him to hit me, so I leave. Just to make the decision for me.
Because for me, a lot of this is gray. (I KNOW it's black and white to a lot of people though.)
We did talk about counseling for him. I brought it up, as in--you need to go if you ever feel like throwing things at me again. He kind of agreed.
I mean, HE DID IT IN FRONT OF THE GIRLS!
In the minutes after it happened, (not right away, I was just too frozen I guess, and shocked, and scared) I told him:
"You are one step away from hitting me."
He didn't think so. He still insists he'll never hit me.
Hmmm. I never thought he'd throw something at me.
What if I sent him the wrong message by telling him we shouldn't tell anyone what happened? What if now he thinks he can hit me and it will be a secret? Aren't I contradicting myself? Why don't I stand up for myself? Should I leave? What if it's all just temporary and he's going to go back to his normal self?
He never used to be like this.
How long do I wait to see if this is the new him? When will I know?
What if he wants ME to leave HIM, so he doesn't look like the bad guy, leaving his kids and stay at home wife?
I'm not sure if things have gotten worse since I've started this blog, or if I'm just starting to see the light. But I still think, now what?
Big Boo Cast: Episode 421
3 days ago
Mrs. D, everything I've read about wife abuse says that it will only escalate. He will take one little step at a time. He needs help. Even with help, it will be hard for him to get back to mental health. Please educate yourself on what you're dealing with. Please. It's not going to get better by itself. Especially now that it's become a "secret" between you. It will only escalate.
ReplyDeleteOn another note. My daughter found my comments to you and is furious with me. Please, I would very much appreciate it if you would go into your "edit posts" and delete the posts about her. I'm sad to say that it appears that my commenting about her has totally broken our relationship.
I will continue to pray for your help and guidance as I pray for her. Please get help.
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ReplyDeleteI agreed whole heartedly with Linda. I haven't followed your blog, but came back to see where this was going. You need to find a way to separate until you can both get counseling at the very least. If that means living with your parents or a friend until you can get on your feet, but all means - do it.
ReplyDeleteI work with au pairs who provide live in childcare and they are gems. I love, love, love my girls. And I have many families who are parents of multiples beause it is a very affordable choice for childcare. If you want information, contact me through my blog. I was an au pair. But DON'T stay where you are telling youself you can't afford to go or that you can't afford quality childcare - I assure you that you can and it's the least of your worries. I do this job because I am passionate about families and I know that childcare determines so many choices in life.
As for getting support in your area, if you contact me I can help you brainstorm resources.
I hope you'll find a way to change things or get out. It doesn't sound like it's going to change though.
Hi.. I seen you stopped by my blog..and left a message..
ReplyDeleteI came to check out your blog..And I want you to know.. I was speechless not because of what you wrote, not because you posted it but because I now don't feel alone. I totally get what you are saying.. I totally have had stuff thrown at me.. I totally have been choked and pushed in a door and then told by him he didn't do so he could deny it.
Please know I am praying for you for strength, love and comfort..
Stephanie