So, I talked to Mr. D. some more about the gum throwing.
He said he too is upset that it happened. I insisted again that he needs to go to conseling if he feels like throwing things at me.
I also said I will leave him if he physically hurts me--ie, if he hits me, grabs me, shoves me, etc in anger. He nodded. Not sure what he really thinks about that.
He admitted to me yesterday (in a conversation nowhere near the gum one) that he thinks he is "mega-depressed." Uh, yeah. I have known that for a while. But what is he going to do about it? What am I to do? Should I be more patient? Isn't that what I'd want from him if I was seriously depressed? But, I wouldn't be taking it out so harshly on him (as he is to me), and I don't deserve to get dumped on.
We were supposed to go on a date tomorrow night. He's going out with his friends. I'm going to be blogging.
We planned it over a week ago. Then, 2 nights ago, I said, "We're still going out on Friday night, right?" and he said, "Uh, I kinda made plans with friends. But I'll cancel if you want me to. I'll take you out if that's what you want."
Why can't he see that I don't want to be the bad guy? Of course I told him to go ahead with his friends because why would I want to be out with someone who'd rather be doing something else? See the way he worded it? "If that's what you want". Like, obviously, that's not what he wants but he just wants to appease me. What a jerk.
I told his (great) uncle, who he is very close to, about Mr. D throwing something at me. (Ever since his grandfather died, he and the grandfather's brother have become even more close.) This particular family member has been happily married for a loooong time and is like a grandpa to me. Mr. D. respects all things Uncle J, and Uncle J loves me, etc. So I felt like getting some advice from him and bouncing Mr. D's actions off him.
He immediately said that it was very out of character for Mr. D to do something like that. (While I agree, what weight does that really hold, anyway? Do all men who treat their wives like crap do it in front of others? Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo...)
He also said that he and Aunt J never hit, etc. and that "no one in our family does that." (That also means nothing to me.)
Then he asked what Mr. D threw, I told him, he seemed relieved and acted like it was less of a big deal than I was making it out to be.
THEN he said he thinks Mr. D is just frustrated right now with "work and things" (no kidding) so it'll "take a lot of patience on your part."
siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh
It was wrong for Mr. D to do that. I just don't yet know what's going to happen next.
Big Boo Cast: Episode 421
3 days ago
hi from one mrs. d to another! thanks for your comment! praying for you lots and lots and lots. and for those sweet, sweet girls too!
ReplyDeletesorry to comment twice ... but i forgot to tell you that i have a sister-in-law whose situation started out exactly as yours has. if you ever want any insight into that perspective (is that even the right word???), feel free to e-mail me. douglasj@txkisd.net
ReplyDeletehope your weekend is a good one!
Uncle J's reaction is very typical. You need to ignore it and focus on taking care of yourself and your little ones. Family members frequently will do whatever thay have to do in order not to acknowledge the truth of the situation--then they don't have to get involved. If Mr. D will not get the help he needs to deal with his so-called "depression", then you need to seriously consider making it clear that until he does so, you are taking your children and going home (if you are able to do that). He will do nothing to change until you take steps that require him to make a choice. As long as you continue to make it easy for him to disrespect and abuse you, he will do so. His making plans with his friends on your date nignt was a deliberate gesture of disrespect. It will escalate until you stop taking it. You are already seeing his behavior get worse. He's testing you to see what he can get away with.
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